Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Feeling.........

Do you ever just feel yucky? Not physically, but emotionally yucky? Lately I’ve been trying to keep to myself because I feel emotionally yucky. It’s not really being sad or anything, it’s like I just dread everything. I feel as though anything I say or do can and will be held against me. I feel like I’m walking on eggshells, especially around one certain person. However, I’m certain that person appreciates me being quiet lately, though I doubt she’s noticed. Proverbs says the wise man keeps his mouth shut, so maybe it’s part of learning to be wise. But I just hate feeling this way.

I wish I were naturally cool. Sadly, I am not. I am who I am, and mostly I’m ok with that. No, ok, that’s a lie. I don’t think very highly of who I am, hence the reason I’m always trying to change something.

I made a major faux pas today. See, it’s all because I opened my mouth. Had I been serious and not tried making a joke, all would be well. But over a dumb, poorly timed joke, I managed to offend some people. Very unfortunately, even apologizing doesn’t fix everything.

I’ve spent my life wishing I were more something, or less something else. At times I’m content, and I can see the good in me, but those times don’t last long. I know Father God loves me and all that business, and because of that I need to love myself. But I haven’t figured out how to be ok with me.

Due to the nature of who I am, I desperately long for someone to talk things over with. I just want someone who wants to know what’s going on with me. Someone who might even notice when I’m upset, or not myself. Someone who enjoys me, and helps me see my attributes. I’m tired of dealing with people who only will talk to me about the bad things I do, and who are willing to correct and rebuke, but who never seem to be able to encourage.

C’est la vie….

Thursday, December 21, 2006

On blogging

Blogging takes too much effort sometimes. And what actually DID happen to our cute picture? Well, it's a year old, guess it's time for a new one anyhow.

Monday, December 04, 2006

Boys are dumb.

Guys are insane.

Men are complicated.

This is why we love them so much.

Thursday, November 23, 2006

My Thanksgiving

i thank You God for most this amazing
--e.e. cummings


i thank You God for most this amazing
day:for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and a blue true dream of sky; and for everything
which is natural which is infinite which is yes

(i who have died am alive again today,
and this is the sun’s birthday; this is the birth
day of life and of love and wings: and of the gay
great happening illimitably earth)

how should tasting touching hearing seeing
breathing any–lifted from the no
of all nothing–human merely being
doubt unimaginable You?

(now the ears of my ears awake and
now the eyes of my eyes are opened)
____________
My day was apparently not as sunny and bright as the day this poem was written about, but it was a great Thanksgiving. I'm so thankful for my friends, who I can be crazy with on a regular basis. The (5th?) Annual Charlie Brown Thanksgiving Eve Party was a success. Next year you should come. I look forward to doing dinner together in the future. Lyn & Jon rock in their hospitality. Thanks for opening your house to us once again.

I just finished dinner with the fam--mom & dad, Joe (the bro) and the nephews and neice. It was completely successful, and peaceful. Praise God!

This afternoon, prior to leaving home, my regular activities (cleaning & dishes)were interrupted by a Mormon. Not what you were expecting, huh? There was knock at the door, and I looked to see which of my lovely friends were stopping by to wish me a Happy Thanksgiving, but I couldn't see the person from my window so I opened the door. I spoke with the handsome young man briefly, and explained to him that I am a Christian, but being Thanksgiving I didn't have time for a chat. I wouldn't invite him into my house, because spiritually he creeped me out. But I am praying for "Elder Sherman" that he may come to know the Truth.

I'm most definitely thankful for Jesus, especially today.

Friday, November 17, 2006

Holding Life and Death

I had the opportunity to to care for a friend of mine after she gave birth to her 19wk old son who was born too early to survive but who had died still in the womb. We suspected the reason she delivered was because there were complications with his development. Though you wouldn't no that by looking at him. He looked perfect to his parents and to me. Many people are grieving with them and it makes you wonder how can a life effect so many people in such a short amount of time. I mean except for his parents none of us seen him move or breathe or do anything spectacular to deserve this attention. Yet, he had purpose, and he had value not just to his mom and dad. Lord knows he created him with a purpose even in the short weeks he lived.

Later that day I was able to participate in the delivery of gorgeous baby girl, the prettiest wide eyes. As I held her I realized the two extremes I had faced that day and it was humbling.
Everyones aware of life and death but, and certainly we are reminded of it with the announcement of a death or the announcement of a pregnancy or child's birth. But to see it for what it really is before it's made neat and tidy to see the beauty of it even in the blood, pain and mess I wouldn't trade it for the world.
~~~~~~

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Been too long

I have to wonder if anyone ever checks our blog anymore. We've been so bad at blogging the past several months. Sometimes life is just too busy. It's good though.

So work at Eileen Fisher is good. Certainly there's bad days and good days, but mostly it's pretty good. Church is good. We are looking at a building, which we are in DESPERATE need of. We're praying for an accepted offer.

Ria is coming down this weekend. That will be good, much fun I'm sure. Ria hasn't been here since we moved in a year ago Thanksgiving. I can't wait to see her, I already told her I'm gonna tackle her.

Lots more going on, just not enough energy to type about all of it. Went to a good concert tonight--Run Kid Run, Red, Disciple, Kutless played but we didn't stay for them.

Is it possible to be non-romantically in love with someone? I have a friend who I would like to hug until his head pops off. I enjoy him so much. I'm not interested in dating him, marrying him, or birthing his children, but I love him dreadfully. He's good people. I'm excited for him, especially for what God has in store for him.

Life is good.

Man, I love people.

Thursday, October 26, 2006

Exposing the Shameful Link Between Abortion, Racism, and Eugenics

Please read this article.

http://www.bound4life.com/articles/paper.htm

Sunday, October 01, 2006

Friday Fire was...HOT!

Yeah, so Friday Fire was pretty good, I thought. I felt as though we reached the crowd who came, which was the crowd we desired to reach. Mostly we had "churched kids" come out. And that's pretty much who we want there, right now. Our goal is to reach the lost, but also to set on fire the ones who can help reach the lost.

The turn out was pretty good. Really didn't know what to expect, but it was good. Worship was great. The speakers were good, but maybe a little long-winded. The 2nd one at least. But those men are awesome just the same.

It was great to see some youth leaders (who happen to be my friends) there. I would like to get feedback from y'all. An honest critique would be good.

As I read this it really sounds like I'm being so blah about Friday Fire. No, it was really good! I'm quite pleased with how it went, and looking forward to the next.

Monday, September 25, 2006

After much blood, sweat and tears (from Jesus that is)


MORe's first big event is this Friday
Come check it out if you're in the area

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Moments in history--it's all coming together now

The #1 on the day I was born was
Before the Next Teardrop Falls by Freddy Fender
If he brings you happiness
Then i wish you all the best
It's your happiness that matters most of all
But if he ever breaks your heart
If the teardrops ever start
I'll be there before the next teardrop falls
Si te quire de verdad
Y te da felicidad
Te deseo lo mas bueno pa'los dos
Pero si te hace llorar
A mime puedes hablar
Y estare contigo cuando treste estas
I'll be there anytime
You need me by your side
To drive away every teardrop that you cried
And if he ever leaves you blue
Just remember, I love you
And I'll be there before the next teardrop falls
And I'll be there before the next teardrop falls

It all makes sense. See, I'm drawn to the Spanish language, because of the 1st one. And I always get the 2nd one stuck in my head. It's almost like the stars were all aligned or something...
yeah, or something.

The #1 song on my 18th birthday was
I Swear by All-for-One
I swear
By the moon and the stars in the skies
And I swear
Like the shadow that's by your side
I see the questions in your eyes
I know what's weighing on your mind
You can be sure I know my part'
Cause I'll stand beside you through the years
You'll only cry those happy tears
And though I make mistakes
I'll never break your heart
CHORUS:And I swear
By the moon and the stars in the skies
I'll be there
I swear like the shadow that's by your side
I'll be there
For better or worse, 'till death do us part
I'll love you with every beat of my heart
And I swear
I'll give you every thing I can
I'll build your dreams with these two hands
We'll hang some memories on the walls
And when (And when) just the two of us are there
You won't have to ask if I still care
'Cause as the time turns the page, my love won't age at all

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Home....and bored

I was sent home from work yesterday with "Pink eye". I'm not sure if that's what it is. I've been fighting a head cold and sore throat for greater than a week maybe it's part of some sinus infection but be that as it may. I can't be around the babies with it. So here I sit. I got some cleaning done not cause I so much wanted to but it need to be done and I'm bored. Um God's been teaching me alot; like though I'm a complete nut at times He still likes me. He doesn't get sick of me whinning to him cause I'm sick, and tired, and sick of being sick, and tired of being tired. He just takes it in strides. I'm excited about tonight at M.O.Re. it's a planning meeting that we invited pastors and youth pastors to; to get to know us and understand our vision which is HIS vision.
I've gotta get back to work, my job is not the kind that tolerates missing. (I know completely off the subject) I know people who have 6-12 sick days. I get 4 and if you taken greater then 4 off you start getting written up and after that its suspension. So me being me I'm right on the cusp of one too many. I have to work on that cause I can't say that everytime I called in I was on my death bed. Which is what you better be if you call in. I am very thankful I don't get sick very often. But it also makes me pretty much a mess when I am it's like I don't know how to function ill. But my jobs teaching me and I hope to be a fast learner since I like my job and want to keep it.

Monday, September 11, 2006

Somedays I like what I see

Because I'm cool like that

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Are you ready for all the coziness?

Very slowly, the seconds of your life tick by one by one

That was the beginning line of a, um, story that my friend, Melanie, and I wrote during 9th grade biology. I thought about the story the other day because I occasionally still talk to Melanie, since our paths crossed a few years ago at church. This morning I thought of that line, as I realized that we're into Fall once again.

I love seasons. I love living in a place of distinct seasons. Right around the beginning of Setember, as I start pulling out my long sleeve shirts, I get pretty exciting. Looking forward to the cool weather, sweaters, opening windows, campfires, falling asleep under the comforter to the sound of Autum rain, hayrides, hiking, it's all so wonderful.

Around mid-November I'll start getting excited again. At that point, it will be about snow, and holidays. Turning up the heat, curling up with a blanket and book, Christmas shopping, holiday decorating, followed closely by holiday parties, and much time with friends and family.

By the end of January, I'm done. Tired of the snow, ready for the time when I can get out of bed and not be cold. Then 2 weeks into February brings a time of lov and romance, when people realize how much they love each other. Not that I'm into V-Day, but there is always a certain spark in the air. It's like mating season, and I'm hoping the poachers won't kill all the good bucks this year.

Then we have a time of muck, mire and mud. But there's a promise of freshness that comes with the Spring. And once Spring is here, you know Summer is just around the corner. Nothing beats Summer, except maybe Fall.

Three falls ago (Sept. 03) I started a new job, it wasn't very good. Two falls ago (Oct. 04) I started a great job. Granted, that's the job I just left, but it was a great job, just not as good as the one I have. Last fall (Nov. 05) Carrie and I moved into this house. It's a super house, I just didn't understand that houses do not have self-cleaners like ovens. So, I just wonder what this fall will bring. Or maybe I'll have to wait until December for this year's big change, that is, afterall, the pattern. One year and one month later. Hmmm.....

Well, this summer was absolutely delicious! A trip to Mexico, some time at the beach, a stupendous new job, and more realization of the love God has for each one of us. I get what it means to be in love with Him, and I understand the importance of His mercy. What more could I ask for? Well, maybe one thing, but that will come in time.

And speaking of fall, anyone want to head to Boston with me the weekend of Oct. 6th? Let me know if you do.

Friday, September 01, 2006

Pictures of flowers

So, back in March I went to the Phila Flower Show, and just today I resized these pictures so that I could share them. They're not great, like some people's pictures, but I don't claim to have any skill. They're pretty nonetheless.

Yeah, btw, sorry I haven't said anything lately. I'll fill y'all (both of you) in eventually.